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Banter, gamesmanship, or the term we tend to be most familiar with ‘sledging’ is part of cricket.

The exchange of words can be funny, classy, clever and at times hard edged, but it should never cross the boundaries of being personal or abusive.

So, to our question, what’s the best “sledge” you’ve heard or heard about on the cricket field?

12 months ago

Responses

Eleven year old Tim Paine (University Cricket Club) v Third Grade stalwart (Beer and Crass Jokes) – Village

At 11 years of age, Paine was representing the University Cricket Club’s third grade team; which back then was a competitive grade of battle-hardened warriors.

Me? 13 years of age: No.4 batter and hard-working leg-spinner.

My own skipper of the day, a chap by the name of Brett Smith, was in third grade not for progression and not from junior pathways. His physique alone suggested that he was made from beers and crass jokes.

As both teams were shaking hands, 11-year-old Paine came face-to-face with his sledging nemesis from the two days’ play: Captain Smith, made from beer.

Rather than accept the outstretched hand of the opposition captain and third grade stalwart, Paine flicked him a 10c piece and said: “Go and buy yourself some runs, Santa.”

Incredibly it was from one of my own players. I was playing for Sutherland District Cricket Club in Sydney and the senior professional with a team of young players.

The game was against St George who’d won the competition the year before and we came last.

We had them on the ropes and needed 5 runs to win and I’m at the non-strikers end when our young wicket keeper Evan Atkins came to the crease.

We had a mid-wicket conference and I said ‘don’t panic, leave it up to me” and I go back to the non-strikers end with one ball to go in the over.

Murray Bennett, the Australian spinner, was bowling and he wanted to change the ball, I said "no"

Then there was issues with close in fieldsman and shadows and after what seemed like15 minutes Murray bowled the ball and Evan hit it straight to cover and started running.

I was run out by the length of the wicket.

In the dressing room it was sullen and I asked Evan “what possessed you to run”

He hit straight back, “if you slid your nose in you would’ve made it by a yard.’

We all laughed and I knew I had a good team and the loss was not an issue.

Playing a representative fixture one day in Wollongong and the opening batter was out in the first over, Number 3 strutted out to the wicket and played and missed at the first three balls he faced. Our opening bowler Duncan McIllveen quipped, 'was the real Number 3 having a shit when the wicket fell?'

These next two were directed toward me and have made me laugh to this day.

In another fixture against Wollongong, I was bowling to Chris Shephard (sorry about spelling) who was a very accomplished player. He was playing and missing and struggling to score, so me being me, became quite lippy. After I finally dismissed Shep and duly sent him on his way with a symphony of send-offs, Shep spun on his heels, looked me square in the eye and said, 'enjoy your Test career mate'. Safe to say I was pretty quiet after that.

Playing a Premier Cricket game for the Gold Coast Dolphins v Brisbane Norths, and I was bowling to James Hopes, who as we know had a very distinguished career playing for Australia and in my opinion was one of the best grade cricketers I ever saw. Catfish (as Hopesy is known) was struggling to score and playing and missing and I was frustrated on a hot Brisbane summers day, so once again I was being my usual lippy self.

Catfish turned and yelled at me 'I'll play for Australia, you won't.

After the game I visited the opposition sheds with a beer in each hand to chat with him to see why he thought that. He calmly asked me how many balls I hit each day. I replied that at the time I was probably hitting around 2000 balls a week. I asked him the same question and he replied with "I hit 10 000 balls a day". I raised my stubby and clinked bottles with him and said, "you'll play for Australia, I won't". And alas, we were both right that day.

I was playing in a Final many years ago with a mob of mates, all about 16, except for our skipper/mentor. We were unbeaten, except for one game, where our opponents in the Final had led us on the first innings in a round game but we won outright. They were all hard men in their thirties and were fairly peeved at being rounded up by a team of smart mouthed kids.
Leading by only a handful just before lunch on the second day, all we had to do was bat out the afternoon.
I faced the first over of the second innings and played and missed at the first six balls. The bowler, a bloke I had upset several times that season, was a leftie and bit quick, plenty dangerous but found his bad temper rather easily and when he did, he lost the bowling plot.
He grabbed my bat on his follow through and caught the ball when the keeper lobbed it to him. Standing there fuming, about half a metre from me, he said “this is a bat, this is a ball. The bastards are supposed to go together you little smart arse.” He dropped the bat and stormed back to his mark.
I square cut the next ball to boundary and smacked the last one, back over his head, one bounce to the long off fence.
As I passed him on my way to chat to my batting partner between overs, I said, “thanks for the tip.”
He bowled rubbish for the rest of the afternoon

12 months ago

I nightwatched in a game Souths vs Toombul many many years ago - the Souths attack Balcam, Brabon, GS Chappell and co was pretty useful. I lasted till stumps then the next day decided that against this attack I wasnt going to stuff around. I got to 61 Fairly quickly (Lenny 'Chester' Balcam reminded me on a number of occasions that I couldnt bat or words to that effect) . I was then bounced by GS Chappell and whether it was a deliberate slower bouncer I dont know. However i was through my hook shot way early and the ball hit the back of the bat and lobbed through to Rod Rice the keeper (ex chairman of Qld State Selectors)). Greg as I walked past said 'on your way Nikko - I did you for pace - lack of it ! To get told where the dressing room was by one of the greats of World cricket was a highlight

Bankstown v Gordon in my first grade debut at Bankstown Oval and I was opening the batting with Garry Crowfoot.

Crowie did the right thing and took strike the first ball of the game. Second ball he nudged one behind square for a single, which brought me down on strike to face the 3rd ball of the over (my first ball in 1st grade cricket).

I was facing up to Richard Stobo, who happened to be the opening bowler for the NSW shield team at the time (so he was no mug). First ball he put it on good length just outside off stump which I tried to play a forward defensive shot too but luckily it missed everything (including the outside edge of my bat). The big Sheriff wasn’t overly impressed. He gave me a stare and trudged back to his bowling mark.

Next ball, carbon copy of the previous ball – another play and miss. This time the stare was slightly longer, accompanied with some muttering under his breath.

Next ball was an action replay of previous 2 balls, another perfectly pitched outswinger which I wasn’t good enough to lay bat on. At this stage I could see smoke coming out of the Sheriffs ears, he was getting shitty, and was probably wondering who this bloke is.

Final ball of the over, the Sheriff is now steaming in, I’m thinking to myself for Christ’s sake just get some bat on ball. Anyhow he bowls a ball that nips back off the pitch (unlike the previous 3 outswingers) which I manage to get an inside edge and the ball goes down to fine leg. Finally managed to lay bat on ball, and I’m off the mark (though not very convincing).

As I’m running to non-strikers end, the Sheriff is standing mid pitch with teapot stance shaking his head turns to me and says…” for f*ck sake mate you must have been adopted”

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